At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
