I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
