You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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