I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
