Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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