My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
