hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
