youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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