I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nicole vs. Life
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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