Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
