Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
