So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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