Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
