hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
