I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
