well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
