she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
