AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
