Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
