...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
