Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
