Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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