i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As shirtless as possible
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
