totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
