I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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