You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
