The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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