bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
