Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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