she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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