Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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