My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
