I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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