he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He shit in the fireplace
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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