Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
