i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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