She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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