Christians are straight up FREAKS
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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