i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
