hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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