don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
