i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
