I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
