I hate your face
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
