K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
