A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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