i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
