oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
