Christians are straight up FREAKS
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
