Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
