I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
